Woe is me (TMI warning)

<rant>

I've tried to stay positive and harness all the new-found perspective that I've gained through this experience but sometimes I need a break from the search for silver linings to have a complete internal tantrum. The reality is that whole situation has been emotionally draining for both of us but it's also been a real pain in the ass for me psychically. Most of the time I feel pretty guilty bitching about stupid things like my post-baby muffin top so I'm just going to let it all out here. Judge me if you will.

Our bodies are amazing things but they can also be total pricks. Once your body has been pregnant for a certain amount of time, it becomes a bit stubborn and set in it's ways so, even when you don't have a full-term pregnancy with a healthy baby at the end of it, your body doesn't give a shit. It's going to do what it was set out to do.

There are the obvious things that everyone knows about pregnancy symptoms - morning sickness, weight gain, emotional roller coasters, super awesomely thick nails from all that folic acid. Then there are a lot of things women don't talk about when it comes to pregnancy and what happens afterwards. I only started hearing about these things when I started reading pregnancy books and talking to friends who were pregnant or had just had babies. I remember thinking 'wow, that sounds shitty' when hearing about things like maxi pads the size of diapers and stitches in places you don't even want to think about tearing. The reality of the situation is that it's not like you just give birth and your body bounces right back to how it was before (ok, I think that does happens for a few lucky people and a handful of supermodels... all of which I kind of hate). But you get a baby at the end of it... A BABY! And so I'd like to think that it all kind of becomes worth it.

But what if you don't have a baby at the end of it? Well then you get to experience one of mother nature's shittiest tricks. You still get to go through it all - the giant pads, the bloat that comes with whatever the hell they pump through your body during labour, the cramps... and just when you think it's all getting better you get hit with the perfect storm of post-partum bullshit: raging hormones, engorged knockers (remember that part when I said your body doesn't forget?) and a shit-tonne of grief. It's probably the cruelest combination of crap I've had to deal with and something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I'm through the worst now. I've come out the other side with a body that looks completely different than when I started this journey and the inability to walk up the stairs without being totally winded. It's not something I'm losing sleep over but I've stopped searching for that silver lining in this particular area. My only focus now is trying to get healthy and fit again so that I'll be ready to start this crazy ride all over again.

</rant>